I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
