The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
