Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize