and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
