chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
