Betty ford says i'm here all night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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