K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize