I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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