At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize