I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
