He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
