Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
