Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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