i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this boner is exhausting
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize