It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My ass is underappreciated
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
