maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
