just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
