My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
