I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
