They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
