Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
