You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
