Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
