dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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