I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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