Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
