Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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