whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
