Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize