You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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