my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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