I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Less talking, more tequila
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
