there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
