We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
