Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
