Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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