I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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