I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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