I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
