Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
