he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize