The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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