Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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