Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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