doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
