it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
