He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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