She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
