Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
