i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
