I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
