wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
