Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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