he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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