Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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