I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
