Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Couch. On fire.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
