If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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