Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
