Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
