I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
