his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
