either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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