the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
